Enlightenment is not an option for you. You have surprisingly little room to move, really.
The track of seeking that you are on will never meet the end of seeking.
There will be no great resolution of conflicting voices, no retirement of thinking.
The disciple and guru were only ever meant as symbols; two sides of the same coin.
The gradual discernment of a melody in all of this dawns as the desperation to escape is faced.
That element of threat of “not getting it” is seen through in the familiar light of day.
And with that, all steering of experience becomes increasingly unnecessary.