There is no such thing as life; there is only what is going on for you right now. This moment for you right now has absolutely no meeting point with life. The two things never join. Life, though it is complete and perfect, is just an idea, a theory, a story. This moment for you right now is none of those things…it is only ever incomplete, for how can reality be complete?
We love death because it is complete and, like life, is just a story. In a way, we have a permanent death wish, longing for this moment to die and merge with our story of life. But this moment for you right now has no home, no family, no resting place. You’ll never find a trace of confirmation of anything here, only ever the bracing chill of the real.
4 thoughts on “Death Wish”
I don’t agree with this one, sorry: “This moment for you right now has absolutely no meeting point with life. The two things never join.”
I sometimes meet life in the moment. And then the moment is as complete as it could ever be.
Thanks so much for writing; really appreciate it. I’ll explain a little about the background of this passage in case it’s of interest….would love to get your response. Whenever I write anything, it is intensely real for me at that moment. Sometimes I’ll look at it later on and feel no connection with it at all…but in this case, I can remember the sense of it.
For this passage, I was trying to communicate that the only thing that is real is this moment. So real, in fact, that everything else I might consider to be “life” is just an afterthought, a memory or conceptual superstructure. So, the feeling was something like the idea of “oil and water”, never really being of the same substance. The only substance I ever really know directly is this moment.
The idea behind the “death wish” was that I have noticed within myself a yearning to find completeness in life, to dissolve into an ocean greater than myself. This is beautiful but it can sometimes lead to overlooking the moment right now and subtly denying it, wishing it be gone so that some imaginary “true life” can take over.
Thanks again so much for writing…..we’re all looking at the same thing, living the same life.
The only thing anyone ever really knows directly is this moment.(“The only substance I ever really know directly is this moment”)
So for me it is like this: this moment=life. And what (I think) you define as “life” are the reflections to that moment. As you so rightly say it: the afterthought.
Or: the story you make of it afterwards, your story.
So it’s basically a word-game. What do you define as “life”?
I understand the feel of incompatibility (is that the right word? I used a very old dictionary.) between the two. Either you are “in the moment” or you are “in your story”. Not possible to unite the two, like oil and water.
About the “death wish”:
To me the experience of dissolving into an ocean greater than myself, only happened when I lost myself in the moment. F.e. while painting, or enjoy watching my grandchild playing.
I don’t know if it is possible to strive for such an experience, it just happens I suppose.
Thanks for replying, I hope you understand my english, I’m not a native english speaker, forgive me my mistakes.
Yes, I agree with everything you say. It’s entirely a question of how we’re using the words, particularly the words “moment” and “life”. And I should say too that for me in my writing at the moment, I’m really stretching the words I’m using to an extreme point, trying to point to something that we all share as common experience.
So when I say “there is no such thing as life”, I am taking a risk really as there are so many ways in which that statement could be argued against. I could also say “there is only life”…..and completely contradict myself!
Like I say, this is just about expressing and trying things out. The facts are as they are…there is nothing moving closer or further away. For me, “confusion and clarity” have become best friends…..one is not better than the other; in a way, it’s all true (in a way).
Thanks again so much for writing…please add your thoughts to any of the posts whenever you feel like it….always welcome.