In the end, it becomes clear that life is eating away every last bit of you; every last piece of your freedom; every last hope and every last trace of choice.
You defend your spiritual search with desperate attempts to preserve yourself as it represents your very last chance for a lasting escape from life.
But life will win; it always done. It’ll have its way sooner or later and will slowly destroy the foundations of your search, finally revealing itself to be the chariot that will take you back into its own heart.
Let it take you. It knows what to do.