Bonehead Basic

How can I express myself without this sickly aftertaste of arrogance in what I say?

How can I even think clearly when I only have another’s language to use, one built layer upon layer of misunderstanding and mistrust?

How can you and I ever really speak and share if we don’t first throw away this pretend set of understood ideas?

For the two of us to meet, really meet and speak, really speak and love even….surely for this, we need to build our own little language, just you and me, so that we can really stay with each other, not leave and come back with foreign formula.

Would that be alright…could we start again please, even if it’s only for my benefit? Can this, right here, be our start?

Let me be the first to say, I don’t know what is going on here.  I don’t know where to begin in what I believe and know.  I feel overwhelmed with so many concepts about life, so many blurred definitions, overlapping meanings, contradictions.

So can we start afresh please?  Or can we just wait a while right here, and not go anywhere….will you stay here with me and keep me company?

I’m just a beginner and while you all seem to be building such complex things, I can’t seem to get even one block to sit on top of another…I’m hopeless at this! I don’t know where to go, which thoughts to follow, which people to believe?

I look at my face in the mirror, my skin, into my eyes, then down the length of my arms…the blemishes on them, the creases, the blue veins….I feel their weight and solidity on the window ledge as I look out into the garden…I look at the shrubs in next door’s garden for a while…and then back at the mirror.

I mean, this is what it’s like for me, just this body here looking at stuff around the place.  Am I missing something?  Seems so basic but I can’t make any of my buildings stand up.